Word: lindas
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...LINDA'S BEEF...
...story (such as it is) focuses on San Fransisco assistant D.A. David Corelli (Caruso), who has had some sort of relationship with Trina Gavin (Linda Fiorentino), noted psychiatrist (right) and wife of Corelli's best friend, Matt Gavin (Chazz Palmintieri), the most powerful defence attorney in the city...
Esterhas' weak script in "Basic Instinct" was somewhat resucitated by the presence of Sharon Stone. "Jade" is not resucitated by anyone. Any movie that has Angie Everheart and Linda Fiorentino in it is of some interest on a purely visual level. However, any movie in which Angie Ever-heart gives the most believable and compelling performance has some-thing terribly wrong with it. But Chazz Palmintieri is a genuinely good actor, and when even he can't do any-thing with this movie, we know that the core must be rotten...
...main characters are even more dry and lifeless than Allen. The desire to slap Helena Bonham Carter out of her self-pity is overwhelming, and only increases as the movie progresses. And Michael Rapaport, while likable at first as the "dumb-blond" boxer Allen tries to fix Linda up with, winds up sounding plastic and rehearsed, without a shred of believable character in him. By the trite end, it is clear that you are supposed to be happy for them. But you can't be happy for people you never liked-or even got to know at all, for that...
...plot itself is poorly structured. Chances are that you will find yourself wondering, fairly often, what is going on. Why Allen is so intent on finding Linda in the first place is never really explained. And sure, dirty jokes are funny. But there is a cutoff point for everything. Unless the sight of a dildo lying in a fish tank makes you crack up, most likely you will end up rolling your eyes at Allen getting hot and bothered when he sees the latex fish...