Word: lovingly
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...lies. 5. Simba and Nala—Some of the greatest romances come to fruition over a song and a passionate lip-lock. But lions can neither sing nor kiss! Nice try, Disney, but you can’t pull the fur over these eyes, and I felt no love tonight. 4. Bambi and Faline—As Bambi watches over Faline and their fawns at the end of this childhood classic, Disney would have you believe that he’s reflecting on his future as a loving father to many. But the truth is, deer are polygamous...
...Megan from Season 3. She wore a bikini indoors and owned a mentally retarded Chihuahua. After winning Season 3 alongside partner Alan D. “Scooter” Zackheim ’06, she went on to compete in Vh1’s “Rock of Love,” “I Love Money,” and “Rock of Love: Charm School,” propelling my rate of brain cell loss to unprecedented levels. 4. You will become smarter. In elimination rounds, contestants are quizzed on their knowledge of everything...
...Parody of “Stand” by R.E.M. There are many songs I don’t like, but there are only two songs that actually make me physically nauseous when I hear them: Maroon 5’s “This Love,” and R.E.M.’s worst song: “Stand.” Yet somehow Al’s nasal singing voice perfectly fits the obnoxious melody, and even his descriptions of rotting lunchmeat can’t make this version more sickening than the original...
...pages—and maybe even earn him an op-ed column in The Crimson. Character: Roger Mexico—“Gravity’s Rainbow” by Thomas Pynchon Caricature: Public Piss Guy Roger Mexico begins the novel romantic (“They are in love. Fuck the war.”) and intellectually sophisticated (the Rockets fall according to a Poisson distribution, people! A Poisson distribution!), but he ends it broken-hearted, broken down, and maniacally pissing on a boardroom table. So next time you see Public Piss Guy letting the John Harvard statue have...
...midnight at London's Crystal Night Club, the lights dim and the DJ drops a mellow beat. Right on cue, Julia Theresa Heller, a leggy 19-year old, struts across the stage in her bid to become Miss King's College 2008. "I'm originally from Germany and I love chocolate," she says to the judges, flashing a toothy smile as blinding as her blonde locks. "Just like me it's sweet, and definitely bad for you." When asked by the emcee to describe the superpower she'd most like to possess, Heller, a business management student, doesn't skip...