Word: mackli
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This past week, all male undergraduates were treated to a rare delight, and an ego boost. A "recent gradaute" of the College, who wishes to remain anonymous--so let's call him MACK (Mal-Adjusted Cuckoo)--sent over 3,000 letters to "all male undergraduates" by U.S. Post detailing his very personal, very painful story. It turns out that Mack is "attracted to guys," but "repelled by gays, so far without exception...
...that's where you come in: if you agree with his page-long diatribe against his particular perception of the gay world--full of "limp wrists," "crudeness," and "obsessiveness about sex 'and superficiality in attachments"--you are given the unique opportunity to write back, and hook up with Mack...
...Mack sounds like the sensitive type, and financially secure to boot. But before you eligible bachelors get too excited and decide to write back to Mack, you might compare yourselves against Mack's stringent requirements. First, you'll have to be the hyper-virile type, because among all gays, "effeminacy, in speech, looks, or mannerisms, is very common." Then you'll have to bring your voice down a few octaves, because "their is a tendency to whine and shriek." And don't pay too much attention to your appearance, because, of course, "gays show much greater vanity." But be gorgeous...
...Mack tells us that he majored in Government, is right-wing [no, really?], and that he has a penchant for Dostoevsky and Bach. Sounds like a pretty cultured...
...well-off, too. He claims to have sent letters to every male undergraduate--that's over 3,000 of us--by U.S. Post. There were stamps on those letters, all seemingly uncancelled: that's 3,000 stamps at 32 cents a pop, totalling about $1,000! Mack: TAKE AN AD OUT IN THE CRIMSON! IT'S CHEAPER...