Word: marano
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Hara Estroff Marano, an editor at Psychology Today who has interviewed college counselors and their students about depression, wonders what happened to sharing one's worries with roommates and friends. A depressed student told Marano she wouldn't dream of telling peers about her darker fears because she saw them as rivals, scrambling for the same grades and grad-school slots. "For many in this generation," says Marano, "there is a sense that you can't show any vulnerability." Pruett wonders if the reliance on medication to handle the blues hasn't weakened some students' nonpharmaceutical coping skills. "Sometimes...
Perhaps most controversial is The Nurture Assumption by Judith Rich Harris, who asserts that relationships with peers--not parents--determine how children turn out. No less alarming is "Why Doesn't Anybody Like Me?" by Hara Estroff Marano, who reports that peer rejection puts children at risk for dropping out, teen pregnancy, drugs, criminality and mental-health problems...
While Harris argues that there is little parents can do to mitigate the influence of other kids, Marano insists that parents can inoculate their children by giving them a solid grounding in social skills and helping them handle problems effectively when they arise. Teachers, psychologists and kids themselves tend to side with Marano and against the theory of powerlessness proposed by Harris. Parents are vital to a child's social well-being, they insist, and they offer lots of ideas about how parents can boost a child's success with peers...
...have already established with their family," observes Linda Jones, who has taught nursery and elementary school in New York City for 23 years, "they'll try to re-create with their peers." Kids are drawn to children who are "helpful, kind, sharing, giving, cooperative and responsive to distress," says Marano. Ruthellen Josselson, co-author of Best Friends, an in-depth examination of girls' and women's friendships, advises, "If parents themselves have friends in a visible way so that it seems like a normal, important part of life to their children, that's a positive influence." Josselson adds, "Anything parents...
...help them build an emotional vocabulary that has some breadth." When disputes do arise, parents can help kids negotiate a resolution. "You have to allow the children to see the other child's perspective. Seeing someone else's side is at the heart of social competence," says Marano. "Let the kids come up with the solution. That way they're motivated to stick...