Word: mathering
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...Mather House grill chef Philip Wilkins knows exactly what Harvard students want when they order a hot dog...speedy service and a friendly demeanor that would light up the barracks of any dining hall...
...year they came under fire for advertising to pre-frosh females. But this year they really outdid themselves, landing an Associated Press article which included the quote, “I am going to scratch myself until I bleed to death if this continues another day.” Mather, you are full of geniuses. Dirty, yes, but sharp...
...bumping and grinding in which Matherites consistently engage is not only unpleasant for the eye, it’s facilitating the rapid spread of disease. It’s long past time for Mather’s Masters and House Committee to put locks on the outside of Mather doors. Then it’s time for Lysol fumigation—particularly the room of that sophomore whose genitals were affected...
...course, the big question is whether the outbreak of rashes was due to the foam at the party or to activities undertaken after everyone blacked out. A quick survey of Fifteen Minutes’ party report confirmed our suspicions, as every picture featured incestuous, Mather-like debauchery that could only reasonably culminate with the transfer of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). And where did those STD’s come from? That’s right. They came from Matherites...
...quite happy that Mather is isolated on the eastern end of campus, keeping us temporarily safe from their diseases. Matherites have proven themselves to be a dirty, scheming, incestuous bunch who may or may not be out to infest the rest of the Harvard population. But, Mather, neither you nor your government handlers will win. At next year’s Lather, we’re grinding in hazmat suits...