Word: matrons
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...idol, Cardinal Spellman, would deal with his parishioners. "Oh, Lord, let her eat fewer raw onions, let her abstain from onions, let her learn to abhor them," he implores, after listening in tears to his harridan of a housekeeper. Among Father Roque's other trials are an arrogant matron who will not bathe ("Imagine finding yourself naked in a puddle of water!"), a telephone operator who like most of her sisters answers a driving call of curiosity, and virile fishermen who give silent Spanish lessons to gringas. Perhaps most appealing is the all-too-friendly girl who tells Father...
Even star-crossed Eulalia can be amusing when she commits morning sickness into the decolletage of a tormenting matron. The author has the characters for a good farce; what she lacks is invention-the talent for that instant of heightened awareness, the moment of falsehood...
Better in Gingham. But in India, even the Western bride's protective coloration was coming under fire. In the Times of India, Columnist Amita Malik recently launched a cutting campaign against foreigners in saris. "If there is anything uglier than an Indian matron in bulging jeans," she snapped, "it is a white woman, tall, angular and with straw-colored hair, wearing a Dacca sari Foreign wives fondly imagine that they look beautiful in saris, when they would look miles better in gingham...
...disease. Drohitzers who might have been exposed are rounded up and lodged in the Silver Hall, the mirror-lined banquet room of the Mashinka's most fashionable bordello. Confinement quickly erases the difference between whore and housewife, who come to share each other's concerns: a prim matron tries a striptease, the prostitutes study cake recipes. Eventually quarantine proves ineffective. The infection rages through Drohitz and the surrounding countryside and Ember, promoted from subaltern to Commissioner of Deceased Persons, runs out both coffins and burial parties. At novel's end the army marches off to another regrouping...
...with a Manhattan opera company early next year. Signora Buitoni. an ex-coloratura soprano who knows all about Giovanni's booming arias, will attend his operatic debut. "After that," quipped Buitoni. "she will probably fly to Europe to avoid the noise." . . . Winging into Paris' Orly Airport, Boston Matron Rose Kennedy, 70. was forthwith thrust into a quarter-hour TV interview, proved as nimble as Son Jack in verbal fencing-although one listener described her French as "not so fractured as it sounded fried in bacon grease." A partial translation of the session: Q.: And your son, Madame, does...