Word: mattress
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Forget your Y2K worries. Don't think about the water you've been hoarding or the guns and cash Mom has hidden under your mattress. Millennium what? You must mean Willennium, the latest effort of pop Renaissance man Will Smith. This energetic and artistically diverse album will make the destruction of your new laptop a dim memory as you dance to "Will 2K" at your New Year's party of choice...
...also deflation over not having anything left to look forward to other than the Presidents' Day mattress sale. We get only one year with triple zeroes. What are we going to do for an encore? Have ourselves cryogenically frozen for the next...
...reports - and there were indeed news reports, both locally and on the national newswires - Davis Don Carpenter, 38, and Joshua Macave Brown, 22, from Benton County, Ark., participated in the rape and murder of Jesse Dirkhising, a 13-year-old from Prairie Grove. Brown strapped the boy to a mattress and stuffed underwear in his mouth, held in place with a bandanna, and repeatedly sodomized him while Carpenter watched. The boy died from asphyxiation...
...precise millisecond when December 31st, 1999 turns into January 1st, 2000, I'm not worried one bit. And it's not because I've stockpiled canned goods in my apocalypse bunker or that I've taken all of my money out of the bank and put it under my mattress in fear that bank records will be lost...
...plot is, as it can only be for this story, pretty dull. The prince cannot find a princess he wants to marry. A random girl arrives at his house, claiming to be royalty; an uncomfortable sleep due to a pea under her mattress proves it and the two are happily married. Perhaps that's why Princess makes an ideal parody--a simple plot leaves plenty of room for humor: a crazy Jester, a flatfooted princess, a glasses-wearing prince and even an army of dancing, cartwheeling mattresses. Overall, Pea will elicit a chuckle from anyone...