Word: mcdonaldã
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Granted, we’re not so concerned about making a favorable impression with the Bolivian “street,” but consider that McDonald??s has also decided to pull out of 4 Muslim countries where we do care about the opinions of the “Muslim street,” and now the urgency of the situation is apparent. We need Ronald McDonald stationed in all countries hostile to us, so that he can smooth over any problems...
These days there is less and less to smile about in the world of happy meals. Last Thursday, terrorists set off a bomb in an Indonesian McDonald??s, killing three and wounding eleven more. The next day, an explosion ripped through a McDonald??s in Bombay. Luckily, no one was killed, but 21 were injured, and even though it was later determined that a faulty air-conditioning system was to blame, McDonald??s restaurants everywhere are on the alert...
This violence is especially disheartening because McDonald??s has done so much for the world. In addition to clearing vast swaths of rainforest, it has helped change the very shape of the human body. A study released last summer reported that a much fattier diet has lead to an unprecedented gain in weight among the human population. The average man today weighs 7 kilograms more than the average man in 1980. (For women it was 6 kg.) This enormous increase will present the largest evolutionary challenge to the human form in hundreds of years, which means that McDonald?...
Despite this great contribution, McDonald??s is feeling a little bit unappreciated abroad, and this is more than just a matter of pride. When McDonald??s retreats from its international presence it jeopardizes American national security. You say Ronald will never retreat, but look, the domino effect has begun. Faced with lower earnings in seven out of the last eight quarters, plummeting share prices, and other super-sized problems, McDonald??s decided recently to close down 175 restaurants and stop operations altogether in seven foreign countries...
Already, the people of Bolivia are reeling from the shock. Thousands of Bolivians clamored into McDonald??s restaurants across the country to partake of Ronald’s last supper; some inhabitants of South America’s poorest nation saved up for the entire week to pay for this indulgence. Not only have Bolivians lost its premier provider of Americana, but McDonald??s just lost its highest-elevation branch (in La Paz). And the biggest loser in all of this is the USA, which just lost its greatest ambassador...