Word: meatless
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...hard times soon befell the kitchen brigade. Prices were skyrocketing on the Chicago commodities exchange, reflected, for example, in the one-week, hundredfold increase in the selling price of Polynesian Meatless Ball futures late last spring. Clearly, it just didn't pay to buy into semi-non-adulterated grains and lunchmeats anymore...
...Brother," I pleaded over the meatless chile, "all those other schools you talk about have Jesuits." Ignatius was clearly on the ropes now, because if there is anything Ignatius hates more than an Ivy League professor it is a Jesuit professor. Jesuits--an order of priests that spends much of its time being intellectual and professorial, or sometimes political, like Fathers Berrigan and Drinan, or sometimes bureaucratic, like Father Hesburgh of Notre Dame--are, in fact, the bane of Ignatius's existence. (They are the bane of most Catholics' existence, because they usually adopt a lofty air that implies they...
...want to tell you one last thing. Remember the joke about the four freshmen from Thayer getting run over by a moped? Remember that funny "phoney fable" about the four athletes from Eliot House drowning in a big vat of Polynesian Meatless Balls? Ever hear of Milton Berle? Yep, I stole them all from Pete and Tommy over at the Indy. Now I'm giving credit where credit is due. You know what they say over at the Travel Desk at Padan Aram--Harvard may be Childhood's End, but Wit's End is truly Wit's End. That...
...system, relatively little is known about it. There are the rumors, of course. (No, the menus aren't really planned by a poltergeist who lives in Widener D level--it's an extremely nice woman in the basement of the Union.) And there are innumerable questions posed over the meatless chile con carne and the meal on a muffin. For example, why do I have to pay the full board fee if I never eat breakfast? Why does Adams have realcoffee, and Eliot doesn't? And perhaps most important, if Dartmouth can offer a variety of meal plan contracts...
...With recombinant genes on our side, we're gonna do great things, great things, yep, yep. Drop a bucket of these little coca coli on the Mexican countryside, and you'll have big meatless enchiladas running around, terrorizing people. And there's another big plus...