Word: michelangelo
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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...Holyoke Center--which tested negative for Michelangelo--Registrar Georgene Herschbach was eager to share her insights on the virus with The Crimson's readership: "You want me to say that I was freaked out for a while. You're trying to make a story out of this. Viruses are out there in increasing numbers, and they require effective virus management. Hard drive management. But I don't want to be quoted on this subject. I have nothing to say about this. You're just trying to make a story out of what I'm saying. I would prefer that...
...Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney sounded a bit frazzled. "I don't think that our computers have been infected with Michelangelo. And even if they have, I think we'll be able to fix them. And even if we can't, I don't think this particular virus would be able to trigger a nuclear holocaust...
...MADE up that the last one. But Michelangelo did show up at the State Department--no lie. It's also been detected in Australia, in Europe, in the New York statehouse, in Leverett House, in Mather House, in Quincy House...Michelangelo is extremely contagious. Millions of computers are at risk of infection...
Unlike HIV, Michelangelo can be cured. As long as you don't boot up today, you can still avert disaster with a quick trip to the Science Center basement or OIT. They'll tell you what to do. It has something to do with scanners and disinfectants and "ex. A:/pkunzip scanv86b.zip." "Apparently, it shouldn't cost you any money this time...
...Michelangelo is just one of 3000 viruses sniffed out by American hackers since 1982. (Didn't a certain medical epidemic start around that time?) Some of them--like the Kennedy virus, which leaves innocent messages on the screens of infected users on every anniversary of the deaths of JFK, RFK and Joseph Kennedy--are harmless. Others--like "Joshi", "which wreaked havoc upon Harvard's Office of Physical Resources--have serious attitude problems. Other viruses--Yankee Doodle, Blackjack, Dukakis, to name a few--have yet to reveal their destructive power. (For my money, Dukakis won't do anything...