Word: missuses
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...future Miss Universe might stack up on the telly at 91-56-89 (centimeters) instead of a somehow more appetizing 36-22-35 (inches). Bert and Alf will have to give up ordering a pint of mild or stout and order 'alf a liter instead, while the missus will have to shop for half a kilo of butter. And who, if he just misses being run down by a lorry, will feel like saying, "A miss is as good as 1.609 kilometers...
...married to Polly Bergen, who becomes the first woman President of the United States. That makes Fred, in effect, mistress of the White House. While his wife runs the country, Fred runs the home. He plans the meals, looks after the children, goes shopping with visiting VIPs, sends the missus off to work with a kiss, and in the evening asks her how things went at the office. "Pretty well," she replies with a sigh. "But I'm dead tired. Mind if I go straight to sleep...
Doris disguises herself as a Swedish nurse. Garner goes into traction, feigning a sprained back. At last he discovers that his missing missus spent all those moon-drenched nights marooned in an island paradise with bronzed He-Man Chuck Connors. She called him Adam, he called her Eve. "But nothing happened," Doris insists...
...rules a dusty duchy that includes a town, a railroad depot, and a couple of hundred square miles of the Mesa Verde. "I'm gonnna leave most of it to the nation for a park," he says. The only thing G.W. can't rule is his missus, Maureen O'Hara, who keeps bolting out of the herd and heading East, where she picks up the notion that she wants a divorce. Mesa Verde's social horizons seem limited, since the highlight of the season is apt to be a free-for-all that ends with half...
...interests are apparently confined to snooker, stout, brawling and uninterrupted leisure. Sex inflames him the wrong way. "Second time this week I've seen 'im kiss 'is missus," he observes sourly of a neighbor. "The man's a sex maniac." When Flo suggests a night out, Andy concurs: "If yer get 'ome before me, leave the lights on." But his long-suffering mate wouldn't change him for the world. "Don't think I 'aven't tried it, Rube," she says to a friend. "But bein' away from...