Word: molars
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...arrive by ekspress in Belaga on a sweltering Monday afternoon. The fellow passengers offer a fair representative slice of the Rajang's recent social history: an itinerant Malay dentist who'll pull that blackened molar for $3; Hokkien merchants whose families came from Singapore in the 1870s as traders, glued to the John Woo DVD playing onboard; and longhouse dwellers. Some of the latter are older, with distended earlobes and inked skin, but most are young couples returning from market hubs like Kapit, where Charles Brooke, the second White Rajah of Sarawak, built a fort (still standing...
Tired of having to wear a cell phone on your belt wherever you go? In the future, you may not have to. Two British researchers have developed a prototype "phone tooth" that can be embedded in a molar and receive cell-phone calls. The signals are translated into vibrations that travel from the tooth to your skull to your inner ear--where only you can hear them. Great for giving instructions to spies and NFL quarterbacks. Not so great for the rest of us, because while our teeth may talk to us, we can't talk back to them. INVENTORS...
Along the way, Dirt suffers through numerous mishaps, mostly situations set up solely for the purposed of forcing an easy laugh; he is caught in a molar-shaped hot air balloon, seduced by a trailer trash temptress played by Jaime Pressly (Tomcats, Jerry Springer: Ringmaster) at a carnival, swung like a doll in the jaws of an enormous crocodile and finds himself on the losing end of multiple encounters with human excrement...
Would he criticize an erring colleague? "I shall," Dirksen would promise, in a voice like the finest whiskey aged in fog, "invoke upon him every condign imprecation." Dirksen was especially toothsome when praising the fig newton, manufactured in Illinois. "A man who has not sunk a molar into a fig newton," Dirksen would announce, his gray-golden ringlets vibrating with emotion, "has let much of life pass...
Only in the worlds of figure skating and Nabokov does the age of 17 seem old. But Michelle Kwan, all of 17 and already once an ousted champion, embodies fallibility and, yes, maturity as she crosses blades with her toughest competitor, Tara Lipinski, 15 (rid of her final baby molar only last year when she won the U.S. Figure Skating Championships). Hordes of sponsors and adoring young fans are choosing sides. Even bookstores are battlegrounds, with Lipinski's Triumph on Ice taking on Kwan's Heart of a Champion. A real showdown, though, took place last week...