Word: moms
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...police reports before the youngest sister gave in and agreed that Kathleen should become their mother's guardian. Wittstock assumed guardianship in 2004. By that time, their mother was living alone and unkempt in her condo with no food in the house and the gas turned off. Now Mom is safely ensconced in an assisted-living home, and Wittstock is proud of what she accomplished with her sisters. "Our relationships are not always great," she says, "but we work...
...history. Fat chance. Simmering resentment between siblings has a nasty way of re-erupting as boomers confront the reality of caring for aging parents. "We have an unexpressed wish that our parents will someday acknowledge the injustices done us," notes University of Pittsburgh elder-law professor Larry Frolik. "Someday Mom will understand that I'm as smart as my rich older brother or will finally admit, 'Honey, your husband's really a swell...
...Minn., health-care aide who preferred not to be identified to protect family members' feelings, had always been favored over her elder sister, she says, as the daughter who behaved best. When her parents became ill, she sold her house and moved with her husband and their kids into Mom and Dad's home to care for them. As Mom's dementia worsened, she often refused to take her pills. When Deborah insisted, Mom whined, "Deborah's being mean to me." No one in the family took it seriously except Deborah's elder sister. After years of staying...
...many families, when legitimate disputes break out over how to care for Mom or Dad, old issues of parental hurts and sibling rivalry are likely to be lurking under the surface. One of the hardest obstacles for siblings to overcome is the unequal burden of caregiving. With few exceptions, one sibling in a family gets to be--or gets stuck with being--the primary caregiver. Whether that means stopping by Dad's to run errands, nursing an Alzheimer's patient in the spare bedroom or responding to late-night calls from the nursing home, one adult child usually does...
...brother, she says, wanted to take control of Mom's money through a power of attorney and then place her in a nursing home. To prevent that, his sister gave up full-time work for part time, closed up her own house and moved in with Mom, for whom she does everything. Her mother arranged for her to receive a stipend for helping--a rarity for family caregivers. The compensation is not much, but she's sure her brother thinks she's sponging off Mom. So she refuses to ask him for help...