Word: mother
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Dates: during 1980-1989
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...adopted," recalls Karla Kelba, 16, a blond, cheery high school junior from Fountain Valley, Calif. "I thought it was very special; the kids thought it was great. But between ten and 13, I went through some rough times. The kids wouldn't play with me. They said my mother didn't want me." There was worse to come. In a health and sex-education class, "my teacher went all off on the subject of how adopted kids are second choice," she recalls angrily. "He said it was the worst thing you could do to a child...
Among the legal considerations: Are lawyer-brokered independent adoptions allowed in the state where the couple resides? (Six states prohibit private adoption.) Which of the birth mother's expenses can be paid by the adoptive parents? Hospitalization? Maternity clothes? How long does she have to change her mind about giving up her child? Does the birth father, who in most cases is out of the picture, have to give his consent? Because of their laws, California and Texas have become magnets for couples seeking independent adoptions, while Minnesota and Michigan have none. "There are probably more infants from Minnesota placed...
Some adoption professionals are troubled by the aggressive pursuit of birth mothers that open adoption has spawned. Without proper counseling, such arrangements can end grievously. As soon as the transaction is legally binding, charges Los Angeles author and adoption consultant Reuben Pannor, too many adoptive couples leave the birth mother high and dry. They change phone numbers, move away or otherwise discourage further contact. "Until an adoption is finalized, the birth mother is treated royally and seductively," he says. "Then the contact is abruptly broken...
...contend with two sets of parents. Still, what does the child call this woman who comes to visit and sends the birthday cards? What is he or she to think when that person later has children she decides to keep? Worst of all, what happens if the birth mother, having endeared herself to her child, suddenly stops coming to visit...
Mickey is 19 months old but weighs less than 14 lbs. Born infected with the AIDS virus, he was abandoned by his addict mother at birth. His huge, watchful eyes seem to fill half his face; his legs dangle like matchsticks. For ten months after he was born, Mickey languished at a New York City hospital. He never had a visitor...