Word: motheral
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Dates: during 1980-1989
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...hurts on the other side too. Marcella (Helen Mirren) is the mother of a small child whose policeman husband was shot in his own farmhouse by the I.R.A. She works in a small lending library and lives on the farms with her husband's parents. Hers is a numb existence as she unwillingly shares the burden of tragedy with her late husband's family...
...Mothers and Sons was inspired by women's confidences, revealed in group discussions, about the troubling attitudes men bring to marriage. The book also springs from Klein's perception that there were gender-associated differences in the way she responded as a young mother to her own son William, now 27, and daughter Emily, 23, and the way they responded to her. "I tended to be more self-conscious with William," she recalls, "and more spontaneous with Emily...
...Said one subject: "It's as if, through him, I've found the missing half of myself." Fathers do not identify as strongly with daughters, seeing their role more as protector. The feeling of creating a lost half may account for the extraordinarily close relationship between some mothers and sons, but it is not without dangers. As the boy matures and is shaped by the woman's sensibilities, he may emerge as his mother's perfect man, her emotional and intellectual mate. Says Klein: "The mother may have to acknowledge that her son, not her husband...
...central dilemma for mother and son is when to ease the tie. "Traditionally," says Klein, "we encourage an emotional and physical distancing from mothers earlier in boys than in girls." Part of the reason is fear of the erotic potential of the bond, but in addition there is the cultural belief that boys should be stoic, competitive and independent. Klein believes the separation comes too soon for boys, and they pay a heavy price: "I'm convinced it is what creates fears of intimacy and makes them unable to express their feelings as adults." One sign that...
Klein is remarkably reticent about her own relationship with her son William, a public-radio producer. He is more forthcoming. His admiring view of women, he believes, was shaped in great part by his mother's ability to juggle career, marriage and children. He remembers a poster she once tacked up in her office at home. "It said SUPERMOM WORKS HERE," recalls William Klein. "And, you know, she was right...