Word: mustard
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...change in format has brought no change in the Advocate's quality; underneath a handsome mustard cover boasting a Durer woodcut lies a competent but uninspiring collage of prose and poetry. This Advocate is neither "bad" nor "good"--it is just flat...
...Mustard in the Monastery. This month, in Moscow on an inspection visit and accredited as usual as a diplomatic "third secretary," Schwirkmann with four embassy friends decided to attend Sunday services at Zagorsk, the medieval Russian Orthodox monastery 42 miles from the capital. During the service Schwirkmann felt a blow on his left thigh, thought he had merely brushed against someone in the temple gloom, but then discovered a soaked spot on his left trouser leg. Afterward a bearded "guide," who introduced himself as an Orthodox seminarian, offered insistently to escort the party on a thorough tour of Zagorsk...
...that the victim be rushed to West Germany for hospital care. But the Intourist travel bureau reported falsely that all flights were booked up, and it took two days to fly Schwirkmann out to Bonn, where it was discovered that he had been sprayed with a liquid form of mustard gas. Last week he was in serious condition but recovering...
...hospital catch on fire, and every fire hydrant from Nova Scotia to wherever he was born be froze up. Let muddy water run in his grave. Let lightning strike in his heart and make him so ugly that he'll resemble a gorilla sucking hot Chinese mustard lying across a railroad track with freight trains running across his kneecaps. And if that's not bad enough, let him wake up tomorrow morning-black like...
Songs & Toasts. Charles de Gaulle has called him "the clown in a cassock." But mustard-making Dijon loves him. The city has happily elected him mayor and Deputy to Parliament for 18 years. Last week, on his 88th birthday, his desk was piled high with congratulatory messages. The band of the local infantry regiment turned up at town hall to serenade him with Burgundian drinking songs, and everyone joined in a toast-a kir, of course...