Word: muzak
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...unschooled ears, it sounds like a novelty song, kind of the way "Livin' La Vida Loca" sounded five minutes after I first heard it. But if you listen to the original version of "Ipanema," it's really an elegant, intelligent song. Now people hear the title and, sadly, think Muzak. The music industry has a way, maybe like history itself, of turning mountainous achievements into sugar loaves...
...five months and 22 days after I placed my order with Pac Bell, I had yet to experience the joys of DSL. My first six months in California were a haze of unrequited relationships with customer-service reps. Suffering long hours of Muzak attacks, I'd stay sane by doodling lists of alternative acronyms for the service. Destination Soulless Limbo. Definitely Something Lost. Do Stop Lagging...
...think, are particularly enthusiastic about showing newborn pictures, maybe because taking pictures is one of the few things fathers can do during the birth process that makes them feel even marginally useful. (When my daughters were born, I should say on my behalf, I also sang along with the Muzak in the labor room in what I thought was a rather entertaining manner and occasionally asked my wife to dance.) I suspect that it's quite common for a father to come across a picture of his newborn baby some months after the blessed event and feel appalled that...
...upstairs storefront looked like any other bagel chain, but after a trip down the short flight of steps, the crew found themselves in a hopping bagel bar. Mood muzak blared in the background, but the yuppie, thirty-somethings already present were more interested in devouring "energy bar" bagels than scoping the scene. The Internet lounge, with its massive gray couches, sat empty, as did the counter in front of the beer taps and wine display. Though the bagel business was brisk, it seemed no one but the celebrating seniors were interested in imbibing...
Satori Kato Instant coffee, 1901 Mary Anderson Windshield wipers, 1903 Hugh Moore Paper cup, 1908 Jacques Brandenberger Cellophane, 1908 Arthur Wynne Crossword puzzle, 1913 Joseph Block Whistling kettle, 1921 Andrew Olsen Pop-up tissue box, 1921 George Squier Muzak, 1922 Garrett A. Morgan Traffic light, 1923 Francis W. Davis Power steering, 1926 R. Stanton Avery Self-adhesive label, 1935 Edwin L. Peterson Answering machine, 1945 Earl John Hilton Credit card, 1950 Clinton Riggs Yield sign, 1950 Chavannes & Fielding Bubble wrap, 1957 Luther Simjian ATM, 1960 Herb Peterson Egg McMuffin...