Word: navels
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...spring semester, and I've got belly buttons on the brain. The navel has traditionally been considered an important body part, central in more than just a physical sense. The ancient Greeks considered Delphi the omphalos, the navel and sprirtual center of the world, and 1950's television censors decreed that Barbara Eden's bellybutton could not peek out of her harem out fit on the otherwise ground-breaking show I Dream of Jeannie. But it's not the navel as a historical concept or source of titillation that has been occupying the dusty corners of my fevered brain, haunting...
Hers is a navel which troubles and annoys me. For the past season of Wednesdays, my carefully chosen hour of TV-viewing has centered on that orifice. In the fall, when all the 90210 kids started their semester at California U., Tori's navel peeked out from under Barbie-style T-shirts that said things like "Hey Baby" or "Cool" on them. Then, as winter came and I trudged around in my waterproof boots, Tori switched to red angora sweaters that had long sleeves and waistline that ended right under her (some say surgicallyenhanced) bustline. Am I alone in finding...
...like the rest of us? This little fuzzy strip couldn't have been making her any warmer, and it certainly wasn't offering any measure of support, if that's what you're thinking (you perv). No, I'm afraid there's only one possible conclusion: Tori and her navel have penetrated our ivory tower...
This is a sad state of affairs, indeed. If you must expose your bellybutton to strangers, for heaven's sake, pierce it. That'll give people something to think about when they look at your navel, like whether or not the piercing hurt, if you got it done at Hubba-Hubba or not, and where the ring goes when you wear a tight shirt. I'm all for body-piercing--sadomasochism can be fun. But please don't leave me staring at an empty void in the middle of your gut, particularly if it has lint...
When Victoria Zdrok allowed Playboy to place a staple in her navel, she wasn't just allowing herself to become another sex kitten...