Word: nighting
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...Late night shuttle service to the Quad will continue, but cuts have forced us to replace the shuttles with giant, multi-person bicycles, which must be pedaled by the students. Further cuts have required us to shorten the route of late night service during the weekend, and shuttles will now pick up students from a deserted alley near Cambridge Common. Due to budget cuts, the lighting in this area has been eliminated. We want to stress, though, that these cuts have freed up additional funding for brain break, and we have arranged for special brain breaks for the entryway...
...That’s not to say that nobody’s getting anybody. Quite the contrary. Walk around Cambridge on a Friday night and you’ll bear witness to the raw, carnal savagery of America’s future presidents and CEOs. Toes curl inside leather loafers. Expensive accessories disappear beneath Harvard’s extra-long twin beds. And pastel polo t-shirts lose their former crispness as young scholars embrace. If only these neo-Georgian dorm-room walls could talk...
...complexes? Well Harvard students have complexes often so deep and carefully hidden that they only reveal themselves after several weeks of dating (“dating” is a loose term at Harvard; what I really mean is “a few dance floor makeouts and late-night texts”). Here are some of the crazies to look...
...Your social life this week will predominately take place as part of The Freshman Roving Horde. At night you will call every person you’ve met during your short time at Harvard and wander around in groups of 20 or 30 searching for a party. On the tip of available alcohol, you will flock to one of the houses, where you may find four very frightened upperclassmen sitting around a case of beer. Awkwardness will ensue...
...Grab all your Harvard paraphernalia and hop on the bus down to New Haven. There you will aimlessly wander the Yale campus in search of a party (remember freshman week?) and then spend the night sleeping on the floor of your roommate’s cousin’s high school girlfriend. Wake up early the next morning to hobnob with tweedy alums whose names end in Roman numerals; the champagne they have at their tailgates is infinitely better than the boxed wine the Houses are passing out. Maybe even try to make it from the tailgate to the stadium...