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...might expect that a news entity that calls itself "America's Finest News Source" would want the boast spoken by James Earl Jones and accompanied by John Williams theme music. In fact, the title has been appropriated by the Onion, a droll weekly newspaper published in Madison, Wis., devoted to producing deadpan, dead-on parodies of the resolutely low-key news reports wire services put out. Consider these recent headlines...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: All the News That's Unfit | 11/16/1998 | See Source »

...offered us glasses on the house. The entrees that were available were admirably prepared and proved far less saucy than the appetizers. Grilled Beef Sirloin ($26) was cooked perfectly, medium rare, and served atop a savory potato and wild mushroom cake, accompanied by a sharp rocquefort sauce and tangy onion marmalade. Wilted greens lightened the deliciously rich dish. Veal Brisket ($23) was entirely devoid of grease without being desiccated, matched by soft roast pearl onion polenta. Sliced, cooked pear in mustard sauce and lightly fried onion rings rested on a light, sweet, smoky sauce. Again, this entree far outmatched...

Author: By Rebecca U. Weiner, | Title: hoppin | 4/23/1998 | See Source »

...Salts' star appetizers, Butternut Pierogi with Wild Hare and Herb Ragout, reinterprets Eastern European combinations with contemporary flamboyance ($9.00). Each dumpling is filled with pureed spiced butternut, then boiled and pan-fried. The dish is topped by a light, winey stew of shredded hare and onion. The appetizer special--port-glazed salmon ($8.00)--arrives char-grilled on a bed of lightly dressed greens, marinated slices of crunchy fennel, and a generous serving of sauteed oyster mushrooms. The pierogi is rich and creamy, the salmon light and crisp. Once again hearkening back to Eastern Europe are the healthy appetizer portion sizes...

Author: By Rebecca U. Weiner, | Title: hoppin | 3/5/1998 | See Source »

...were fresh and perfectly cooked. The pastry on top was fluffy and tasted vaguely sweet, like vanilla. In both cases, the sauce adhered so perfectly to the meal that the plates looked clean enough to be reused. The baby octopus was tender, but needed more fresh tomato and onion chunks to liven it up, as well as a bit more red wine vinegar for tang. The canelon, as the fourth tapa was called, was subtle and delicious. Surrounding wrapping dough was tender without being soggy and overflowed with fresh seafood and spinach...

Author: By Rebecca U. Weiner, | Title: hoppin | 2/26/1998 | See Source »

...without being overbearing, complicated by orange zest. The duck was billed as medium-rare, though be warned that it verged on sushi. It was, however, delicious. Dessert, priced between $4 and 6, includes an unfamiliar delicacy called Pastel Basque and a Spanish cheese plate with apples, celery, and red onion marmalade. Pastel Basque turned out to be an Oreo-like cookie crust layered with gooey milk caramel and bananas, and topped with a heaping pile of whipped cream. More fruit and celery would have been nice to complement the sharp cheese, but it was polished off with little complaint. Nota...

Author: By Rebecca U. Weiner, | Title: hoppin | 2/26/1998 | See Source »

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