Word: oprahism
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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...hopeful each time, because for nearly two decades Oprah has brought us nothing but pain and heartache. Oprah is the opiate of the female masses, teaching them to build self-esteem by confronting the past and setting goals instead of feeling good the old-fashioned way: by having casual sex. She encourages women to look inside and "find their passion" without once entertaining the possibility that this passion might be fed with lots of sleeping around. Worse yet, she sets all these ridiculous expectations about reading once a month...
...whole idea of talking openly and sharing your feelings is antithetical to the good old-time values of emotional repression on which this country was founded. Plus, Oprah is way too self-satisfied with the common sense she hands out. The current issue of O magazine has an article on coping that suggests that you "make prioritizing a priority." There's also an awful lot of talk about angels. The only angels men want to see are in Victoria's Secret ads. And her solution to everything is telling you to tack a note to your mirror. Tacking a note...
...Despite all the good things she may do for women's self-esteem, men can't help feeling about Oprah the same way that gold investors felt about William Jennings Bryan. She's just not looking out for our best interests. The only men who will suffer from Oprah not being on the air are Wally Lamb and Stedman Graham...
...Besides, men are frustrated that we don't have our own Oprah. Ours are all embarrassing flameouts like Robert Bly, or the Promise Keepers, or Al Gore the week that Naomi Wolf made him wear flannel. The best we have right now are Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel of The Man Show, and those guys wouldn't even be able to fill out their live audience if they didn't liberally sprinkle the studio with pole dancers...
...have absolutely no idea why women so wholly embrace Oprah's sanctimonious declarations of common sense. So I grabbed a Midwestern phone book and selected a woman at random, much the same way Larry King seems to select wives. The first person I reached was Lisa Davis of Des Moines, Iowa. After I explained that I really wasn't selling anything, I had a nice conversation with Lisa, a 42-year-old grandmother of two and cashier at Casey's General Store. Like many Americans, Davis gets her news from TIME, only this time she got it more directly than...