Word: panda
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Just arrived at Kennedy. The usual airline food-wilting bamboo shoots -and the usual pack of media jackals at the airport asking the usual dumb questions. What is it really like being a giant panda? Is it true that I've come all the way from London to have an interpanda relationship with what's-her-name at the National Zoo in Washington? Is it true that pandas know little about foreplay...
That last question really steamed me. It refers to a garbled report that panda sex takes place only in "an eyeblink." I thought of asking the bloke how long he and his wife take, but luckily I caught my tongue in time. Instead, I showed him the clipping from London saying that I do quite a bit of preliminary wrestling and light biting, just like Alex Comfort recommends. Except for the gentleman from the Times, who wanted to know my feelings about the Laffer Curve, everybody wants to talk about sex. All that locker-room chortling about my "mission...
Still, I've been lucky enough with the press so far. What with me leaving old Ching-Ching in London and coming here to make it with another guy's panda, they could have blown it up into some kind of jet-set panda-swapping scandal. The London papers verified my story that Ching-Ching hasn't been "in the mood" for over a year-the old headache routine, though in fairness they found she was suffering from peritonitis. What's a virile guy like me supposed to do? We're winning...
...thing between me and dingaling into something cheap. While we're at it, if there's a kid, I hope they don't call it Bing-Bing, Cong-Cong or any of those ca-ca double expressions. Why, just once, can't there be a panda named Archie or Bert? Got to go. We're pulling into Washington and a mob of Panda watchers are ready to pump me full of vitamins for the big day, probably some time in April or May. More about that later...
...commander of Apollo 16, John Young was walking on the moon on April 21, 1972, when Mission Control radioed the good news: the U.S. House of Representatives had just approved funding for a space shuttle program. Looking like a great panda in his space suit, Young jumped up and down and then saluted the American flag freshly staked into the moon. Proclaimed Young as millions of TV viewers looked on: "The country needs that shuttle mighty...