Word: parkers
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Dates: during 1980-1989
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...accused of partiality, I have conducted a poll of 20 of my favorite convicts in order to gauge their opinions on baseball's severe punishment of Hernandez and Parker. Fourteen of the felons are being jailed for various drug related crimes, five for armed robbery, and one for selling insider-trading stock tips (although he wished to impress upon me the fact that he was truly penitent). Nineteen of society's condemned eagerly offered to exchange positions with Hernandez and Parker. The lone dissenter, a short and lithe drug pusher from Minneapolis who is also a swell switch-hitting shortstop...
...lost confidence in today's ball-players. They project a different image. All of the "Babes" and "Wizards" of yesterday are gone. Today's stars should have different nicknames, like "Cocaine" Keith Hernandez and Dave "White Powder" Parker. Today's heroes are artificially stimulated--apple pie and hot dogs just aren't enough to produce greatness anymore...
Perhaps what Hernandez and Parker really objected to was the stringent penalty forcing them to donate 100 hours to community service. Talking to misled kids is peanuts compared to the license plates they would have been making in the federal pen if they had not been protected by their all-star status...
Hernandez and Parker do have excuses. They say they were forced into the limelight and nobody offered them a massage to sooth their million dollar job stress. The pressure was too much to handle; their only way of coping was through expensive, hip narcotics. They claim analysts are for wimps. Perhaps they didn't have enough time to take naps...
...Barbara Dudley Davis, Julia Van Buren Dickey, Osmar Escalona, Dora Fairchild, Evelyn Hannon, Garry Hearne, Nora Jupiter, Judith Kales, Sharon Kapnick, Kevin Kelly, Claire Knopf, Agustin Lamboy, Gyavira Lasana, Jeannine Laverty, Marcia L. Love, Janet L. Lugo, Peter J. McGullam, Sandra Maupin, Anna F. Monardo, Peter K. Niceberg, Linda Parker, Maria A. Paul, Lois Rubenstein, Judy Sandra, Elyse Sloman, Terry Stoller, Lamarr Tsufura, Maitena Z. Viani, Jill Ward, Amelia Weiss, William Yusavage...