Word: penned
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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BILL CLINTON Line-item veto makes him the first Prez with the "power of the pen" (if it holds up in court...
...Empowering You” event for freshmen, Travia printed messages on napkins and cups in hopes of prompting responsible drinking discussions over cookies and cola. He plans on distributing thought-provoking Nalgene bottles to sports teams, and both athletes and non-athletes alike will receive informative, neon-colored pens, available at the health fair in mid-October. “Most Harvard students (93%) don’t let alcohol interfere with academics,” reads one pen, sourcing the info to a National College Health Association survey from...
Second place goes to the MDT Advisers pen, which proves that even with the most phallic-shaped objects, size doesn’t matter. The all-silver pen with black writing is even sleeker than the UBS pen. However, the pen receives only runner-up status because it’s too simplistic. There’s no color, there’s no life. A pen has to be like a model and change its look with its function: “You’re cheetah! You’re a lamb! You’re an iguana...
...bronze medal goes to the Capital One pen. With its bright pink design, Capital One shows a little dexterity beyond their ridiculously bad Viking commercials (or are those Huns?). What’s more, the inside of the body of the pen is a game in which one must guide a silver ball through a maze, much like the games we all got as party-favors when we were six. But just like those party-favor games, the pen’s game proved to be too difficult and frustrating, and soon we jumped on the pen shouting...
Finally, we regretfully must comment on the woeful showing of one Fidelity Investments. The company’s pen is a standard Bic, with the only customization being a green cap and Fidelity’s name and logo on the side. Fidelity, if you want to recruit us, don’t give us the kind of pen we steal from Holiday Inn. You’re an investment firm. How good can you being at making money when your pen is a cheap piece of crapsmanship? You’ll face our wrath for eternity. (Unless you give...