Word: perelman
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KEEP IT CRISP (272 pp.)-S. J. Perelman-Random House...
...dentist strapped Sidney Joseph Perelman into the chair with six towels and forced his jaws apart with a blunt instrument. "Now then, where are his X rays?" he asked the nurse. "We haven't any," she said. "This is the first time he's been here." "Well, bring me any X rays," barked the dentist; "when you've seen one tooth you've seen them...
Firing a burst of compressed air down Perelman's gullet, the dentist chortled:"Well, friend, you may as well know the worst. These are the teeth of an 80-year-old man. . . . Who put those [inlays] in - a steamfitter? . . . Miss Smedley, how many times have I told you not to count the patient's money in front of him? Take the wallet outside and go through it there. . . . H'm'm'm, a cleft palate. . . . While we're at it, I think we'd better tear out those lowers with a jackhammer...
...dentist took up a hypodermic syringe "of the type used on brewery horses," and sank it in Author Perelman's gum. Then, he "snatched up his drill, took a firm purchase on my hair and teed off. . . Two thin wisps of smoke circled up ward slowly from my ears . . . [my] screams . . . rattled the windows. . . . 'Don't be afraid now,' chuckled the dentist, patting "the mass of protoplasm" that had once been a man; 'this won't hurt...
...Perelman and Will B. Johnstone turned out the scenario of "Monkey Business" back in 1931, and the gags are still free of wrinkles. The plot, such as it is, has to do with four stowaways-the Marx Brothers-and how they manage to get off a luxury liner. The entire film is a chase, with Groucho, Chico, Harpo, and Zeppo in front and the captain and his crew behind. The running stops from time to time to allow for the situations, which are about as hilarious as anything the four zanies have ever done...