Word: plot
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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Thankfully, we get some diversion from this seemingly endless back-and-forth; however, it takes the form of a completely confusing kidnapping crisis, culminating in a fairly dramatic scene in which Doug finally gets to shoot a gun. Although this part of the plot has more action than the beginning of the film, it is so unbelievable and so hard to follow that the screenwriter would have done better to stick to the entertaining secret-service-meets-old-lady premise of this one-gag movie...
Several sub-plots come into the picture, but never follow through; we find out that Tess has an inoperable brain tumor, but that's the end of the story--it doesn't enter into the rest of the plot. Tess tears up when her sleazy son asks her to endorse a retirement complex, but we get no sense of the emotions behind this exchange...
...trite as the plot is, the main characters rescue it from oblivion. The trenchcoat-and-sunglass-clad, play-it-by-the-book Doug Chesnic is perfect contrast to the odd but kind Tess Carlisle. Several political references also spice up the dull script. Some are to past administrations, like when Tess says that all Agnew and Johnson ever did was play golf: "If was a blessing for the country." Others allude to Bill and Hillary. When Tess watches old news clips about her husband, the audience learns her Clinton-like history relatively painlessly. Mr. and Mrs. Carlisle met at Denison...
Basically, "Guarding Tess" is a good mindless flick. Enjoy watching several gun-toting men tiptoe around an old lady's flawlessly decorated house. Try to figure out the bizarre and rather sadistic plot twist. But whatever you do, don't think about the movie when it's over--or you'll realize that what seemed like a fun way to flow off an afternoon is really a grossly flawed attempt to milk a single joke for far too long...
...suffers chronically from an unsalvageably stupid and hackneyed plot line. Swarthy young thief Gus (played by Denis Leary) sets off an alarm during a robbery and barely makes his escape. He bolts for the nearest convenience store and finds Caroline (Judy Davis) wandering frustrated through the canned food aisle while her hesband Lloyd, played by Cherokee. Holding a gun to Caroline's back, he forces her to her car. Now here's the funny part: Gus doesn't know what he's in for! In an effort to get far away from the scene of the crime and gather...