Word: pom
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL UNIVERSITY Asked its cheerleaders to hang up their pom-poms, saving...
...That's why I've decided to save print journalism. My first idea was to get every reporter to switch beats and cover only cats doing funny things. Then I had some more Pom Wonderful, allowed the antioxidants to flush out my free radicals and came up with the perfect solution: product placement. (Read "How to Save Your Newspaper...
...starting to worry about the value of my not-so-hard work when I contacted my college friend Matt Tupper, who has an extraordinarily healthy heart, prostate and ability to sustain an erection and is also president of Pom Wonderful. We met at an expensive restaurant and discussed, over delicious Pomtinis, what kind of deal we could cut. I reminded him that children are often assigned this column as classroom reading and that many assistants of high-level executives spend their downtime at work searching for my old articles. I asked him how much it would have been worth...
...money if it's just sitting in front of Simon Cowell," said senior vice president of marketing Diane Kuyoomjian. I was feeling pretty healthy and luxurious until she told me, as an example, that the company turned down a scene in a movie in which the Pom Wonderful bottle would have been used as a bong. When I asked if people at the company expected to read what I wrote before it was printed, I was relieved to find out that they are just given a general idea of what a scene is about...
...going very smoothly until my editor's editor's editor decided we had a policy against the mingling of advertising and editorial content and we would have to give the Pom Wonderful money to charity. Oddly, I thought that was what I was doing this whole time. Instead, all my efforts did was teach me exactly why the proud, antediluvian print-journalism companies are in financial trouble. Not only is Time Inc. turning down $25,000, but it's employing three editors for this column...