Word: pom
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...panic comes in the morning. As I sit at my desk and drink a tall glass of Pom Wonderful pomegranate juice, I start to worry about my career. I may be the best journalist in the world, but if there are no journals left to be journalisting for, I'll have to use my communication skills in some other way, like asking my parents for money...
...That's why I've decided to save print journalism. My first idea was to get every reporter to switch beats and cover only cats doing funny things. Then I had some more Pom Wonderful, allowed the antioxidants to flush out my free radicals and came up with the perfect solution: product placement. (Read "How to Save Your Newspaper...
...starting to worry about the value of my not-so-hard work when I contacted my college friend Matt Tupper, who has an extraordinarily healthy heart, prostate and ability to sustain an erection and is also president of Pom Wonderful. We met at an expensive restaurant and discussed, over delicious Pomtinis, what kind of deal we could cut. I reminded him that children are often assigned this column as classroom reading and that many assistants of high-level executives spend their downtime at work searching for my old articles. I asked him how much it would have been worth...
...money if it's just sitting in front of Simon Cowell," said senior vice president of marketing Diane Kuyoomjian. I was feeling pretty healthy and luxurious until she told me, as an example, that the company turned down a scene in a movie in which the Pom Wonderful bottle would have been used as a bong. When I asked if people at the company expected to read what I wrote before it was printed, I was relieved to find out that they are just given a general idea of what a scene is about...
Media timeout: Columbia cheerleaders spell out L-I-O-N-S with their pom-poms. Tough stuff...