Word: poons
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Most of the history of the "feud" with the Ibisters, the Birdmen, (occasionally called the Funnymen), more vulgarly referred to as Lampoon editors, has passed on with the times, or else was pure imagination to start with. Year after year, a perusal of springtime Crimsons reveals, the Poon was mortgaged or sold or taken over by their trustees or by the Crimson. For no less than 24 years, the 'Poon has been unable to vary their losing score in the annual baseball game from the inevitable...
Spike also invented an "anvilphone," a "crashophone" (to break glass), a "poon-tangophone" (a cigar box and a lathe) and a "latrinophone" (a toilet seat strung with catgut, which went over big on a European U.S.O. tour). To record his Hotchi Cornia, Spike rented a goat that "naa-a-a-ed" when he twisted its tail. In Little Bo Peep Has Lost Her Jeep, the Slickers ripped apart an old auto. When these musical effects proved inadequate to Spike's demands, the band members crunched English walnuts in their teeth, ripped mustard plasters off each other's chests...
...advised by 'Poon officialdom that an unwary Radcliffe girl once sent in a subscription check without the usual coercion of the circulation department. The incident proved such a shock that the staff, instead of the check, bounced into paralysis. After two frustrating years of silence from the boys, bloody but unbowed she sent another two bucks to Lampy's lottery...
Scratchings heard on quiet summer nights and marked inactivity around the visible parts of the "Poonsters' haunts led to the discovery of the tunnel, which was at the point of completion. Routed from his position with minimal losses, the "Poon, in the red-faced words of O. J. Zwoncus, ocC. said, "Hot, isn't it?" The Crime will use Lampy's tunnel for reconversion in its heating plan...
Lampoon panzer divisions were thrown back Tuesday night in the first 'Poon attack on the sacred soil of 14 Plympton Street in several years. The storming of the CRIMSON Building followed the discovery by 'Poonsters, still rankling over their 23 to 2 baseball defeat at the hands of the Crime last Saturday, that the ulterior regions of their Ibis had been painted red some observers termed the color crimson-Monday night. In seeking a temporary armistice after Tuesday's fray, Lampy revealed that his stuffed Ibis, even more sacred than the metal one that stands vigil over Bow Street...