Word: pooped
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...enthusiastic audience filled the normally calm theater to cramped standing room, inspiring the band to attempt their P-Funk-parodic magnum opus. "Okay, this hasn't worked for the last six nights," Gene told the crowd, "But if we all concentrate really hard I bet we can get the Poop Ship to descend on Butt-F**k, Mass., or wherever we are." The next 15 minutes could only be described as a paean to the mothership of all things flatulent. It began as a trudging grind-core chant to the ship itself, progressed through a rendition of every fake farting...
Despite what New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and the fiery economy have done to clean things up, smelly garbage, careering cabs and dog poop still assault New Yorkers daily. Most residents become inured to the offal they encounter. It's a survival mechanism but also a matter of pride. So it was a bit embarrassing last week when the mayor got ruffled by an art exhibit, of all things...
There are a variety of screening tests, but the most common checks for the presence of blood in a stool sample. Let's be frank: no one likes chasing poop in the potty with a stick. But I've done it, and it's not hard. You need only the barest sample to smear on the card. Yes, it's disgusting, but think of the reward. Doctors estimate that the mortality rate of colon cancer would drop 30% if everyone would overcome his or her squeamishness about providing a stool sample...
...groups. He doesn't wish to be that compassionate! The problem with Bush's grants and tax credits is like the problem with school vouchers: giving people a choice means forcing other people to contribute tax dollars to institutions they may find offensive. Government compassion subsidies, says Bush's poop sheet, "should be available...to all organizations," which "should not be forced to compromise their core values" in order to chow down. Oh, really? Buddhists, sure, but what about nudists...
...market for $9 pens, "I Love Cambridge" mugs and a staggering assortment of Harvard paraphenalia from sweatshirts to baby bottles, hit the Coop (rhymes with "poop...