Word: pre-frosh
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This week, FM wonders what's in a name--"Rising Star: A Brand Name History," and the Endpaper by Vasugi V. Ganeshananthan. We resolve to find fame, be it brief, be it phony--Adam Taub becomes a precocious pre-frosh and Noah Oppenheim leads a troupe to New York City to hit the big time--all for the sake of Fifteen Minutes...
...pre-frosh. You're probably going to get drunk and go to Tommy's tonight, but here's something you might want to tell your parents you did this weekend: heard the former president of Ecuador at a public address by Jamil Mahuad. Institute of Politics, 79 JKF St., Littauer Building, KSG. 495-1360, 4:30 p.m. FREE...
...First thing to consider when getting a pre-frosh is whether or not he/she is housebroken. When entering a vastly different environment, many pre-frosh will become confused and have accidents all over the place. Here is a time-worn technique for remedying the problem: Place a roll of toilet paper in the area where your pre-frosh first decides to do their business. Each day, move the roll closer to the common bathroom down the hall. Your pre-frosh should be able to find his/her own way within a week...
...Some people will tell you that it doesn't matter what you feed your pre-frosh. Not true! The proper nutrition and food texture is vital in maintaining your pre-frosh's natural sheen and sharp teeth. Beware of the dining hall's buffet-style setup, however. Pre-frosh tend to overeat when faced with such overabundance. Remember: You should be able to just make out your pre-frosh's ribs when they are in a resting state...
...Bring your pre-frosh to section as soon as possible. Here he/she will learn to listen to authority. He/she will also learn various tricks: shaking hands, begging and balancing problem sets on their nose before swallowing them whole. Whether you want to teach your pre-frosh to refrain from sniffing your crotch is entirely...