Word: puritanical
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...archaeological dig in Winnepsaugusaukeeswampscott, Massachusetts, site of early Puritan settlements, historians have found fragments resembling banjos, harmonicas, large gold-plated belt buckles and, most amazingly, several pages of an early Hee-Haw script written on parchment. This startling evidence shows that the Puritans, sober settlers of Boston and founders of Harvard, may have had some contact with honky-tonk...
...historians are left to puzzle out the role country music played in daily life. Research has turned up the names of several of the greatest hits of Puritan country. These include "My dog just died so my wife must be a witch," "It feels like I fell off of the city upon a hill," "My wife's been cheating (while I'm in prayer meeting)," "If this is predestined, what does the Lord have against me?" and the far-and-away all-time bestseller, "Repent, or thou shalt suffer eternal damnation...
...script shows some early gems of Puritan "country" humor, including this bit: Earl: "Eddie, thy daughter is uglier than a possum with acne." Eddie: "It is predestined that she be so, to learn humility. Yeeeeeee-haw!" (Audience hangs Earl and Eddie for the sin of play-acting...
Some evidence also exists of a traveling Puritan show similar to the early 80s television series "The Dukes of Hazzard," where two wily Puritan brothers running contraband hat buckles evade the county sheriff on an extremely fast and maneuverable mule. The end of the show featured a simulated mule chase, ending when the sheriff's mule flips over and lands upside down in the bushes, causing him to say simulated curses like "dag-nab-bit" and "razza-frackin." The main difference from the modern-day version is that, instead of escaping at the end of the show, the Dukes were...
...seems that big players in the Colonies were attracted to Puritan country. John Winthrop, Class of 1732, liked to be called "The Big Dawn of Religious Perfection" and the famous Wampanoag leader Squanto adopted the name Jimmy Ray ("T-Bone") Squanto, Jr. However, for some unknown reason (meteorite), country music seems to have died out completely in Massachusetts. We can only wonder what a difference it would have made in Northeastern and American history had it survived. Some possibilities I have come up with are: the Boston Massacre would be The Big Boston Whup-Ass; the Declaration of Independence would...