Word: quaded
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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Similarly, the worst part of life in the Quad is all the people who say it is the best place in the world. If Harvard had assigned these people housing in a cave in Peru, they would still be cheerful about it. "I love the time I have to think on the 6,000-mile burro ride to my 9 a.m. class," they would say. They are the same people who, after reading this article, will march right up to me at dinner in the dining hall and tell me that there's no way the Quad could...
...face it, folks, the Quad isn't perfect. It's a damn long way from everywhere I need to go. It's time to talk about improvements...
First on the list is an improvement in transportation: the Quad/Yard catapult system. The catapults, one in Harvard Yard and one on the Quad grass, would be large, relatively cheap to build and operated by engineering and physics graduate students who pass an accuracy test...
...constructed on the flight path. If all goes well, the student would then be flung over half of Cambridge to his or her destination, landing in a thirty-foot-wide catcher's mitt specially constructed near the other catapult. In addition to their regular duties, for the betterment of Quad-river relations, the catapult operators would be allowed to seize any river-dwelling student who is heard to say "You live in the Quad? I've never even been there before!” and fire them at high speed into the side of the Sheraton Commander...
Also, in a much-needed move to fight Quad stereotypes, the catapult operators would be required to grab any Quadling who came to breakfast wearing inappropriate clothing (including, but not limited to, nightgowns, obvious pajamas, bathrobes and spandex-based ensembles) and hurl them into Connecticut...