Word: quarterbacks
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When Theismann lost the Heisman anyway, to Stanford Quarterback Jim Plunkett, he seemed unaware of the cringes he brought by labeling Plunkett's sightless mother a big factor, and has been blind to failings ever since. Because Miami Coach Don Shula favored Bob Griese, Draftee Theismann stopped off in Canada for three seasons before arriving in Washington eleven years ago as a punt returner. Neither Billy Kilmer nor Sonny Jurgensen quite qualified as athletes anymore, but they were still quarterbacks...
Implausibly, the quarterback almost has to be the toughest guy on the team. Behemoth Baltimore linemen once whimpered under the tongue-lashings of Johnny Unitas, and now the San Diego Chargers are like children in the presence of Dan Fouts. It is not a matter of bodily courage, which Theismann has in abundance. Something about a man just moves other men in this industry, moves them up the field. After he inherited the Redskins four years ago, Coach Joe Gibbs' first disappointment was that his quarterback had none of that. The second was that Theismann couldn't even...
...Gibbs must have envisioned his own air force in Washington, rather than the infantry that evolved. In a fixed situation, with the least complicated directions, spry and strong-armed Theismann sufficed. But the limits of his perception were more profound than just sight lines. He could never lead. Some quarterbacks lift teams; he could hold up only his modest share. At lunch, if Theismann sat at one empty table and John Riggins at another, the fullback's would fill up but the quarterback's would not until Kicker Mark Moseley kindly joined his holder, and gentle Dave Butz...
...gaggle of teens, "Excuse me, do you speak American?" This guy is a rap artist without synthesizer, improvising an autobiography as he addresses the girls, and they pretend not to notice him. "Hey, Elaine baby, did you know I played high school basketball with Akeem Olajuwon? An' I was quarterback for the Jets. An' my seven sisters were kidnaped and raised by the Chinese. An' . . ." But now Elaine and Denise and the others have reached the door, and the scat-chatting street poet is being hustled away by the theater manager. There'll be enough eccentrics inside, thanks awfully...
...sleek-chic Dossier magazine managed to stir the two together, with an added sexy splash for good measure. To go with the magazine's annual "Mighty 500" roundup of the most powerful people, they tacked on a skimpy cover story featuring Shari Theismann, former wife of the Redskins' injured quarterback, Joe Theismann, who left her last year for Actress Cathy Lee Crosby. The obviously fit mother of three is posed in a variety of revealing swimsuits, accompanied by copy that coos, "She never has time to think about you know who." Theismann claims she had no eyeful-for-an-eyeful...