Word: reindeers
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Santa checked out his reindeer and the gifts he'd send...
...bitter speech in which he charged that "Chernobyl has spread radioactive iodine and cesium over our fields, forests, marshes and lakes." The accident has cost Sweden at least $144 million in ruined food and threatens the livelihood of 15,000 Lapp nomads who live in central Sweden. The reindeer they raise and the berries and fish they eat have all been seriously contaminated by radiation. Concluded Carlsson: "We must get rid of nuclear power." Sweden plans to phase out its twelve plants before the year...
STILL NOT CONVINCED? After hours of exhaustive interviews with zoologists and anthropologists, I have learned that elves do not exist; never have, never will. If you are shocked by that, then hold on: reindeer cannot fly. This was proven in an experiment conducted in a Norwegian fjord in 1908 by the noted Swedish doctor Sven Svensen. The only results were 15 dead reindeer and a mob of angry Lapland herders...
...what if reindeer could fly? Even the smallest sled or troika weighs at least 500 pounds; and "Santa Claus" could not weigh in at under 220, even in the off-season. Moreover, if Santa were to take as many as 1000 trips, he would still have to carry at least 458,000 toys with him every time he took flight. Weighing these factors against the pull of eight reindeer (even nine, counting Rudolph), we see that each animal would have to produce more than 35,000 pounds per square inch of thrust. If that is so, then these eight...
...still holding out, consider these questions. What if Santa Claus did have reindeer, and could fly? How could he possibly cover seven continents in 12 hours of darkness, and slide down 17 million chimneys? He would have to move at relativistic speeds. Rudolph's nose would be redshifted into uselessness...