Word: reno
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...greatest fear is being the biggest dork at the Janet Reno Dance Party. I have never been anywhere in South Beach where I was not the least cool person in the room, and Level, where Reno is throwing a Friday-night fund raiser, is one of the hottest clubs in Miami. Being the No. 1 loser at a party for Janet Reno - the former U.S. Attorney General, current Florida gubernatorial candidate and perennial icon of dork style - could set my self-confidence back to junior high levels...
...Reno is having the dance party for many reasons, several having to do with postmodernism, the triumph of irony and the melding of Hollywood and Washington. But the biggest reason is that she trails incumbent Jeb Bush 37% to 53%. Plus, the Florida Democratic establishment wants nothing to do with her. With so little to lose, she figures, why not impersonate Will Ferrell's impersonation of her on Saturday Night Live? The people on the Bush team are either so confident or so pressed for social outlets that four of them are coming to the party...
...good news is that these are 2,200 people who make me look like the young John Travolta. These are the people you see on convention floors, who are referred to as the party "faithful," which I suspect is code for "loser." They shake "Janet Reno for governor" signs more than their booties. Never having been at a club where I felt at all cool, I use the opportunity to approach five women in half shirts and low-slung jeans and buy them Absolut and Red Bulls. I ask Nicole Gaviria, 32, of the shortest half shirt and lowest jeans...
...been arrested for not carrying identification, apparently a crime in Nevada. I explained the situation to the police, and the men were released. The following morning, I awoke to the news that a grandfather of one of the men had died, so the couples needed to return to Reno. Just another setback in accomplishing our goal; I could deal with it. Slightly more trying, however, was the second arrest of my two favorite signature-gatherers...
According to Churchill County police, the crew had decided to hitchhike back to Reno. A man picked them up and allegedly tried to fondle the two women. During the ensuing in-vehicle scuffle, they were pulled over two miles outside of the town. Following a routine check of license and registration, it was determined that the car had been stolen earlier that afternoon, and the homeless cherubs may have been involved. Using some basic campaign strategy, my boss and I decided to cut all ties to the accused auto thieves and return to Las Vegas as soon...