Word: rerun
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...that's why you are watching Survivor. And you, and you. More than 23 million of you, a phenomenal audience for summer-rerun season, watched last week as CBS's castaways reaffirmed our faith in human nature by kicking off the lawyer rather than the crotchety old guy. The first week the Pulau Tiga-based game show aired, ABC scheduled the virtually unbeatable Who Wants to Be a Millionaire against it. Survivor won in almost every audience category. The second week, Survivor won hands down. By the third week--when Regis Philbin, monochrome outfit in tatters, slunk away to lick...
...suspense. We know who wins. We only hear what the party planners decide we should. And news organizations are starting to wonder whether they should keep playing along. NBC will leave the bulk of the coverage to sister MSNBC; CBS would probably be better off with 'Survivor' reruns, akin to MNF's August 15 game, Tennessee vs. St. Louis, a rerun of last year's Super Bowl. At least next January's combatants aren't already settled...
Fear not, though: ads won't disappear. Product placements will multiply--including digitally created insertions that can be changed with every rerun. And as your TV becomes more of a communications device than a broadcasting device, you'll subsidize your entertainment bill (as you will your phone bill, your Internet service bill and maybe your car payment) by sharing valuable demographic information and agreeing to receive precision-targeted...
...choice of music, it's as safe as a Home Improvement rerun, especially by comparison with Walt Disney's daring decision to include Igor Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring in Fantasia just 27 years after its cataclysmic Paris premiere triggered a near riot. Couldn't the makers of this ultracautious sequel have found anything more adventurous to animate than Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue (yawn) or Shostakovich's Second Piano Concerto, a pleasant student piece written in 1957 for the composer's teenage...
...wicked combination of both. And while I can easily revel in South Park, if some poor bloke happens to stumble upon any movie with Sally Field, it is indeed a sign of the apocalypse. I once caught (caught is the key word here) my father whimpering over a Lifetime rerun of Designing Women when Delta Burke leaves Sugarbaker's for good, and I have to admit I found it rather, um, disturbing. Trix are for kids, and Lifetime is for women...