Word: rude
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This just in: a lot of people think Americans are rude, obnoxious and badly behaved. According to a new study by the research group Public Agenda, 79 percent of us find our compatriots lacking in basic manners. Nearly 90 percent say they've at times encountered rude behavior. And 61 percent say that the problem has become worse in recent years...
...Super. I say this is a very, very good thing. It's time for Americans to feel the joy that is rude...
...that makes most Americans uncomfortable. They love everything about themselves: their cheese, their art, their little cars. They don't give a flying figue what anyone else thinks of them, and they're perfectly happy to tell all of us precisely what they think of us. Sure, they're rude, but they're comfortable with their rudeness. They embrace it. They cherish it. It's part of their identity...
...There are more examples - more, perhaps than anyone wants to admit - of countries whose rudeness is not shut away in a dark cellar but brought to light and celebrated as an attribute. The Germans? So rude that they even find themselves unbearable, hence all those holidays that involve drinking too much beer. The Swiss? Rude in a unique hodgepodge sort of way, combining the worst characteristics of the Germans and the French. If you haven't been told off by a grouchy Swiss chocolate maker, you haven't lived. Fantastic...
...These countries don't suffer for being rude - they are celebrated for it, and their economies and tourist industries are booming. So why not learn from our foreign friends and make our own special brand of rudeness part of the "American experience?" It could be a real windfall. We can export t-shirts emblazoned with "America Says You're An Idiot!" decals. Or mugs that burp when you finish your drink. Or those foam fingers with one particular digit extended. At the very least we know they'd sell awfully well in France...