Word: sabrinas
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...life-sized nude statue of Sabrina, goddess of Britain's Severn River, has led a hectic existence ever since a state official first presented her to Amherst College in 1857.* From the first, Amherst men heaped indignities upon her, painting stockings on her shapely limbs, clothing her in gaudy diapers, lugging her away from her pedestal to celebrate football victories. In the '80s, Amherst's president tried to banish her from the campus, but the janitor charged with her disposal confessed that he "couldn't kill a woman" and hid Sabrina in his own barn...
...Sabrina emerged a few years later as guest of honor at a Class of '88 dinner, was similarly feted by 1890's graduating class, and stolen several days later by a member of the Class of '91. The theft set the ground rule for the campus feud which ever since has flared and faded and re-flared between odd-and even-numbered classes. In the struggle for possession of her comely 300 pounds, Sabrina wound up in some odd spots: hidden away in the depths of a West Virginia coal mine, in the basement of a sausage...
...transient keepers to give her up, retired her to the college museum behind three locked doors. There she gathered dust for seven tranquil years, until she was mysteriously beheaded by ill-wishers, promptly reheaded by the late President Stanley King, who tracked down her tortured top. After that, Sabrina was bolted to the floor...
...last week, Sabrina was on the move again. During the night, Students (presumably from the class of '51) had sneaked into the museum, opened the doors with keys made from wax impressions from the curator's key ring, cut Sabrina loose with an acetylene torch, and lugged her out into the darkness...
Amherst officials were sure that Sabrina would turn up again. But they had no real clues, except perhaps a hint from Sabrina herself, to be found in John Milton's Comus: "And I must haste ere morning hour/ To wait in Amphitrite's bower...