Word: saskatchewaners
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...summer of 1964, a willowy but pregnant 20-year-old singer named Joan Anderson arrived in Toronto from her native province of Saskatchewan to face a painful decision. Penniless and afraid to tell her parents, she gave birth as a charity patient at a local hospital to a blue-eyed baby girl she named Kelly Dale. The father, a student who had accompanied her to Toronto, was out of the picture, so Joni hastily married folk singer Chuck Mitchell, hoping to make a home for her baby. "I kept trying to find some kind of circumstance where I could stay...
...Norwegian-Scottish descent, who suffered polio as a child. Encouraged by friends who had heard of Mitchell's search and who thought that she resembled the singer, Gibb found a Joni Mitchell Website and began clicking off the biographical details she found there: blue eyes, blond hair, long limbs, Saskatchewan. "There were like 14 or 15 matches," she told newspapers last week...
...quietly checked into an exclusive (naturally) cow-based Saskatchewan cloning spa--a spa combining the best of Saskatchewan's cattle country with Canada's lax cloning laws. My p.r. staff told folks I was up in the fresh air of Lake Tahoe battling chronic-fatigue syndrome triggered by silicone migration--a plausible alibi if ever there...
Shortly after finding the rogue septuplets we learned that our "deluxe" Saskatchewan cloning facility had not embedded locator chips in the cows as advertised. That's when we realized our own mommy cows could be practically anywhere. Were they rustled for their meat? Were they taken by terrorists? Kidnappers? Blackmailers? Adoption agencies wanting only pedigree children...
...media got wind of our story, and the Saskatchewan facility was top news for weeks; no doubt the rustlers would be on extra guard now. After Lori spoke with her crystallographer, ChrySanda, in North Hollywood, we roamed northern Montana on an "energy hunch." When we showed up in small-town cafes and feedlots to show photos of cow No. 388 (Lori's brood) and No. 441 (mine), we invariably created a sensation--the old good/evil polarity, plus, well, we were and are stars. Citizens were both righteous and helpful, and we always drove away feeling bathed in love...