Word: schwartz
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When he tested positive for the AIDS virus, in 1984, Caleb Schwartz was 28. What that means is that for most of his adult life he has expected to die prematurely. A while ago, when he was looking for a new apartment in Manhattan, he would only consider elevator buildings. He was in good health at the time, but he had to keep in mind the day--in two years? in five?--when he would be too weak to climb stairs...
Year after year, Schwartz looked handsome and sturdy. All the while, his T cells ticked downward. In 1992, when they dipped below 500--the normal level is around 1,000--Schwartz's doctor put him on AZT, one of the few drugs then available that attack the virus directly. Both understood that it would fail after a while. Later Schwartz added 3TC, another antiviral. AIDS took a first cuff at him anyway. He began experiencing memory loss and having difficulty concentrating. Every few weeks, something that felt like the flu would send him to bed for days. In the summer...
...This is the stage at which AIDS starts to behave like an abusive mate. It simmers alongside you in bed. It sits quietly at your table. And from time to time it goes berserk, pushes you into a corner and makes a fist. "I was starting," says Schwartz, "to accept the possibility of something catastrophic...
What he got was something else. In March, his doctor put him on a third drug, Crixivan, one of the new protease inhibitors. Up to this point, Schwartz's story had been like most in the epidemic, none of them very encouraging. But 1996 reinvented the genre and put at its center the AIDS patient who bounces back on the three-drug cocktail. Over the past year--like a character plucked from a drama and dropped into what, exactly?-- Schwartz moved from one story to the other. His T cells are back above 500. His viral load, meaning the presence...
After years of coming to terms with the prospect of death, Schwartz is mulling over the prospect of life. For his own peace of mind, he's being very, very careful. The drugs may not work forever. Or the side effects may worsen. Sometimes you still hear HIV-positive people refer to themselves as carriers. But the virus is only one of the things they carry. Along with it comes a weight of isolation, fears for the future and deep accumulations of rage, humiliation and grief. After all of that, naive hope is one indignity they are in no hurry...