Word: screaming
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This was supposed to be a column about my first experience with streaking last week, sprinting stark naked at midnight through the Yard while ululating at screaming onlookers. From that experience, and from running in Primal Scream the very next night, I had drawn a number of profound lessons about pride and identity at Harvard. But those turned out to be a load of response-paper crap, so I threw most of it out. Here's the short version...
...classmates were jiggling out a message from your ancestors. I swear: Many of you are messed up worse than little Elian. It's a good thing Harvard doesn't have too many nude drawing classes, since from your "found the peephole into the girls' locker room" look at Primal Scream it seems that a stationary naked person might give you an aneurysm...
...Just when you have come to terms with the fact that there will be no Scream 4, thankfully, Keenen Ivory Wayans and his 96 brothers (2 appear in the film) are ready to give you their own twist. With Scream, we got a highly entertaining parody of the horror genre (yes, it was a parody) but with Wayans' brilliant sense of subtlety we get an even more devastating parody of a parody. Yes it can be done, and who better than 476 Wayans Brothers to pull it off. Scary Movie, as if not implicit in the name, is made...
...creating pictures only a philatelist could love. If the screen size is doubled, things go blurry, far below VHS or DVD quality. The miasmic visuals look duped from video. They would bring shouts of "Focus!" in a crowded theater, but at your workstation, no one can hear you scream...
...Somewhere my publicist is about to scream. If I told you that, then you'd know everything, right? I'll just repeat the words of William Shakespeare (I can't remember which play it's in), "When it comes to thy romantic life, keep thy mouth shut...