Word: semen
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...wisdom, as I have received it, is that just as consulting firms target the nation's elite colleges, so sperm banks are willing to fork over exorbitantly large sums of money to tomorrow's leaders. In a fortuitous marriage of Darwinian and free-market pressures, the argument continues, Harvard semen is a hot commodity: Why make your child with any old sperm, the advertising jingle might go, when, for just a bit more, you can conceive a Harvard baby...
...does Kevin Costner keep doing these post-apocalyptic flicks? Is it because he still owns a pair of Waterworld goggles that would otherwise go to waste? Or does he just love creating scenarios wherein women inquire about the quality of his semen...
Truth to be told, the "semen sequence" is one of the most entertaining parts of The Postman, Costner's latest overblown, over-long epic adventure. In answer to your immediate questions: no, it's not a great film; yes, the premise is hokey; yes, it's too long; and yes, it's a blatant display of self-aggrandizement and megalomania on the part of actor-director-producer Costner. But is it as bad as everyone thought it would be? As was true of Waterworld...
...supporting roles fare better. Williams's Abby, though mainly an ornament, is one tough, no-nonsense woman. She's pragmatic ("As far as you know, you have good semen? I'm only asking because I want you to get me pregnant."), resourceful (she nurses the wounded Postman through a bitter winter with nothing but leaves, water and a couple of bowls of horse soup), and a much better fighter than the Postman (she's deadly accurate with an AR-15). To the story's detriment, her character fades into obscurity in the film's latter half. Larenz Tate does...
...ship mama Sigourney Weaver. Because of genetics and the human attachment to willful mediocrity. Because we've never seen an alien underwater (where you also can't scream). Because bounty hunters watch the TV shopping network. Because of Dominique Pinon's forehead. Because aliens bleed acid, and androids bleed semen. Because alien-human hybrids have pixie noses. And, always, because of the deeper issues...