Word: sexed
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...every four freshmen come into college as pre-med, 75 percent of Harvard kids marry other Harvard kids, with 80 percent of those marriages stemming from the five-year reunion. Although these are plausible, one I would not believe is that many Harvard students dream about being a universal sex symbol. Universal sex symbol and Harvard diploma? To paraphrase Hugh Grant in “Love Actually”—Um, would we call that an oxymoron...
...saying your dream is inconceivable, just that it is ambitious. Natalie Portman did go here, and many consider her (both with and without hair) universally hot. We Harvardians cannot forever claim Natalie as our campus-wide justification that attractive people actually do go to Harvard. We need a new sex-symbol poster child and hey, it might as well...
...does one go about such a quest for world sex-symbol domination? Harvard’s very own Mark Zuckerberg may have provided you with one avenue: the Facebook. This fall, there was a girl in Florida who posted many pictures of her minimally clad self that somehow led to an invitation to appear in Playboy. The probability that this will happen to you is probably right up there with the probability that you will avoid contracting some odd disease after jumping off the Weeks Footbridge into the Charles. Not good...
...move to L.A., get discovered, learn to talk in a cute accent, and get screen time in period clothes that showcase your best assets, you’ll be set. If you can succeed in accomplishing all of this, the likelihood that you’ll attain your sex-symbol status is akin to a senior hooking up with a seventeen year-old pre-frosh next weekend: very high. Just like your role model, Austin Powers, women will want to sleep with you and men will want to be you. Or vice versa...
Other possible roads to sex-symboldom include, but are not limited to: win a Nobel Prize and get known as hottest genius ever; get drafted by a professional sports team and have your agent get you on many magazine covers; enter the porn industry and well, you know. Basically, in order to be universally regarded as a sex symbol, you need to be famous. So that needs to be mission...