Word: sharked
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...should never have looked at its teeth. For the past 15 minutes, this 6-ft. tiger shark has been hog-tied alongside our small flat-bottomed motorboat, tossing in choppy seas two miles off Waikiki Beach, in Honolulu. Carl Meyer, a graduate student at the University of Hawaii, has been busy the whole time--slipping a noose around the powerful tail, flipping the shark on its back to put it into a stupor, measuring it this way and that, then shouting the numbers to his colleagues on the larger boat that bobs in the waves nearby...
...works, Meyer repeats under his breath, over and over, "No biting, no biting, no biting..." The object of his mantra gapes below us--a foot-wide crescent studded with hundreds of razor-sharp, serrated, half-inch-long triangular teeth. This fish is only half-grown--an adult tiger shark can surpass 14 ft. in length--but it could easily take off a hand or an arm, or a chunk of torso you wouldn't want to try and live without...
...town. I watched six hours of TV a day. I read comics and went to Mass on Sundays. In high school, I worked as a busboy. On weekends, we'd hang out and make crank calls and go drinking. Defining moments of my generation? When Fonzie jumped over the shark tank in Happy Days...
...anyone seeking a risk-free vacation should never venture south of Disney World. Down here, you could get impaled on a shark's tooth while snorkeling, punched out by flying fish while Jet Skiing or gouged by watery margarita vendors on famous Duval Street. The chance of a little friendly fire--and the military assures us it will be the chummiest fire available--can only add zest to your missile-launch viewing...
Disaster movies are our millennial No plays, totally stylized, totally predictable, but comforting in their familiarity. Whether the threat to domestic tranquillity is a ferocious shark, invading spacemen or a rogue volcano (as in Dante's Peak), it reassures us that nice people, if they are smart, brave and quick on their feet, will somehow survive...