Word: sidekicks
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...foosball, I started to wonder if perhaps there was not a job easier than mine. The only one I could think of, that Survivor host already has. But as I was realphabetizing all the CDs I get for free, I remembered that Andy Richter, the last great American sidekick, had vacated his seat on Late Night with Conan O'Brien. A seat that should be replaced with my lazy...
...always wanted to be a sidekick. I need an alpha male to accompany my Scottie Pippen cockiness, my Barney Rubble joie de vivre and my Siegfried love of feeling the soft, warm fur of a white tiger against my naked body. Plus I'd had experience interviewing celebrities. And in person they won't be able to hang...
...looking for someone who will nudge the guest, point to me and ask, 'Isn't Conan something,'" O'Brien told me when I offered myself as a candidate. I told him I was more interested in putting the "kick" back in sidekick, mocking him ruthlessly at every opportunity. He then tried several methods to dissuade me, including telling me the salary was $26,000 a year, demanding I have Samoan heritage and making vague sartorial threats. "You're going to have to do a lot of cross-dressing segments," he said. "Andy looked good in low-cut gowns...
...know TV isn't for me. It makes me nervous and self-aware, and it makes me ask myself troubling questions about why I like wearing makeup so much. But that's why I want this sidekick gig. I get all the benefits of having my face on TV every night, sitting next to famous people, without bearing the responsibility of talking. Just as long as it doesn't conflict with foosball...
...Jennifer: But its Latino-stereotype bad guy is going to make some people very angry. They may have tried to balance it with Shaft's sidekick, Carmen Vasquez, but she's played by Vanessa Williams, and aside from her name there's nothing particularly Latina about her - unlike the bad guy Peoples, who is a screamingly camp, caricatured Dominican drug dealer. But when the original came out you didn't have the culture jam-packed with images of black athletes, actors and musicians defining what was cool. Back then, the very fact of having an aggressive, rebellious, stylish, smart black...