Word: ski
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Dates: during 1980-1989
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...first danger arises even before the sight of snow; in the ski rental room, also known as the "room from hell," pain is brought to new and incomprehensible levels of meaning...
...Ski boots, for example, are designed to cut off all blood circulation below the shin. They are so efficient at this purpose that campers routinely take them on nature hikes in case of snake bites, as in, "No need to get a tourniquet, dear, just slip on this ski boot...
...Ski headbands are guaranteed to cause headaches, ski poles are the perfect length and sharpness to gouge out the eyes of innocent children and the skis themselves are professionally adjusted to rip apart the skier's knee should he or she fall...
...roommates may try to tell you I'm a little bitter about this entire activity because I failed my first ski lesson--learning to stop. They'll utter something about how 90 percent of my group passed the screening test and were allowed onto the slopes, while I was kept back for four hours on a one degree incline practicing the snowshoestop position...
These are unadulterated lies. It took me a mere three hours and forty-five minutes to progress to stage two, and I have a happy face on my ski jacket to prove...