Word: sleepings
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Gary and Andi Sherwin of Westlake Village, Calif., were always considered the cool parents by their 18-year-old son Joel's circle of friends. When Joel lived under their roof, they welcomed flocks of teens to their home and hosted coed sleepovers. "Three or four boys and girls sleep downstairs in sleeping bags, fully clothed. That's O.K.," says Gary, 56. But when Joel became sexually active, there was a tightening in the family rules, and Gary and Andi spelled them out with great specificity. No sleepovers with a girlfriend. Joel could entertain in his room behind closed doors...
...their sexuality. The bottom line is we don't want them to deny portions of their lives with us--we want to have real relationships with them, not artificial ones," says Peter. But artifice was exactly what was at play when one twin told the Browns that she was sleeping at a girlfriend's house, only to have Lourdes call and discover that she wasn't there. Lourdes phoned the house of her daughter's boyfriend, and his father lied, denying she was there. "Then I was really worried. When she did call, I told her, 'I would rather know...
...Gerard (who asked that his real name not be used) is a 26-year-old conservative, Catholic gay architect. He is the youngest of five sons; the others are married. His parents are in their 60s and always had strict rules about guests. "Only married couples were allowed to sleep in the same room together," he recalls. But David won't be getting married anytime soon. And it doesn't mean that he hasn't had committed relationships. So, when his European boyfriend was visiting, he slept in a room next to David's. "My parents were unsure...
...Andersens, the guiding logic is the same for sex as for all other family matters. Rosemary Reiss, 21, a college senior from Beltsville, Md., has lived with her aunt and uncle since she was a teen. Her aunt, Maren Mayhew, 53, had no problem letting Rosemary's boyfriend Mike sleep over. "I respect her judgment. We don't make arbitrary rules around here. We understand each other. The whole purpose of raising children is to help them think for themselves...
...parents to discuss the couple. Says Donna: "Her mother said, 'I know they're doing this, and my daughter's protected.' She had really done well by taking care of things. It helped me out." Still, Goldstein and Schaper drew boundaries and told the couple they had to sleep in separate rooms, in part because Isaac's twin siblings, two years younger, said they were creeped out by the thought of their brother's coupling in the house. There are still some tensions to be worked out. It's important, though, that the lines of communication are open...