Word: smalleyed
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...years ago, Paul Smalley found himself getting sucked into a stereotype. At 21 he returned home from military prison a frustrated, unemployed young black man who also happened to be a brand-new unmarried father. His son and namesake was already four months old, and Smalley was so unfamiliar with his new role that he thought he could not touch the baby without permission. "I was asking if I could pick him up," he says. "I just didn't feel like a father...
...Smalley worried because he could see a familiar pattern forming, born of his shame over not being able to support his child, the feeling of inadequacy and the strain on his relationship with the baby's mother. He resisted joining the ranks of young black fathers who cut out on their kids because they will not face the pressures of parenthood, but he could not see how to break the cycle -- until he learned from a friend about the Responsive Fathers Program at the Philadelphia Children's Network...
...particularly assistance in a job search. The 61 participants in the Philadelphia program, who range in age from 16 to 26, meet in group sessions once a week and discuss child rearing, self-esteem, male-female relationships and the job market. "The program helped me to open up," says Smalley. "It gave me the drive to want to do things. I've learned how anger affects my child and about how he needs both parents...
Fathers come to the program either by referral from a hospital, community center or probation office or, like Smalley, by word of mouth from a friend. Thomas J. Henry, 47, the program's director, says that many young fathers just need help cutting through the bureaucracy: filling out forms, standing in the correct lines for public assistance and dealing with unresponsive bureaucrats. "This system encourages fathers not to be there," he says. "You have many fathers declared absent when they are actually present. People think they're just making babies and don't have any feelings attached to that...
...Devon Shaw, 24, whose three children range in age from six months to four years, was just out of high school when his first child was born. He doesn't like the way the system "lets you know what we're doing wrong, not what they're doing wrong." Smalley, who now works as an animal-care technician and goes to school at night, admits that many of his friends simply cannot function as fathers: "Some don't even try. Some don't care. They just turn to drugs or drug dealing as their way out." But he stresses that...