Word: snakes
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...that they don't scare off dinner. Suddenly, a man in the pack yelps and falls to the ground. The other three panic, not knowing what's wrong. Did he step in a ditch and sprain his ankle? Or had he been bitten by the Sea Krait water snake, the world's most venomous serpent? The experts had warned them about that, but nobody really thought it would happen. Suddenly somebody snaps, running off into the woods alone in a blind panic. What will happen to him? Tune in next week...
Right, but you have to be careful what you download. Any fool--or charlatan--with a telephone, modem and computer can create a decent-looking website. Result: an epidemic of Internet snake oil, featuring discredited cancer "cures" like laetrile staging a comeback, $200 "second opinions" with more disclaimers than a sky-diving class, and incompetent "diagnoses" from self-styled "professors" and "academicians" at $50 or so a pop. What's next? An e-auction site for an appendectomy or laser eye surgery...
VICTORIOUS VENOM More than half a million patients each year have their clogged arteries Roto-Rootered with balloon angioplasty. Now researchers report that a new clot-busting drug, Integrilin, derived from--hiss!--snake venom, can cut the risk of death and heart attack 40% during the first 48 hours after angioplasty. Integrilin, like its top rival ReoPro, belongs to the "superaspirin" class of drugs. There's at least one difference: ReoPro costs $1,500; Integrilin...
...Keepers. Cabbage Patch Kids and My Little Pony dolls will be viewed with condescension, Transformers and He-Man action figures with contempt. Gameboys will line our nation's landfills, and not near the top of the heap. No supplies will be swapped, no wagons will be caulked and no snake bites will be healed on "The Oregon Trail...
...reunion of lesbian DeGeneres and funny DeGeneres. This romp about lovers trying to conceive with purchased sperm well exploits her sorely missed deadpan delivery and timing--though Stone daffily and unconvincingly prances through it, and the two click with all the passion of someone forced to pet a snake. Still, you have to like a story that makes a turkey baster into a token of endearment, and if the lesson is that a lesbian love comedy can be as harmless as a straight one, there are worse ways to end a movie. Or start a decade...